This Guy is a Hardcore Fan

This was published by the Associated Press on October 20, 2005...

"Man requests longer prison sentence to match Bird's jersey number"

OKLAHOMA CITY (AP) -- A man got a prison term longer than prosecutors and defense attorneys had agreed to -- all because of Larry Bird.

The lawyers reached a plea agreement Tuesday for a 30-year term for a man accused of shooting with an intent to kill and robbery. But Eric James Torpy wanted his prison term to match Bird's jersey number 33.

``He said if he was going to go down, he was going to go down in Larry Bird's jersey,'' Oklahoma County District Judge Ray Elliott said Wednesday. ``We accommodated his request and he was just as happy as he could be.

``I've never seen anything like this in 26 years in the courthouse. But, I know the DA is happy about it.''

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By the way, did you notice what he was convicted of? "Shooting..."

Looks like he scored.

I've been ready for some football

Mick Jagger, Keith Richards, and the Rolling Stones helped kick off the NFL season on Sept. 8 with "Start Me Up" and a song from their new album, "Rough Justice." I'm starting to see a little rough justice in the trade-0ff God makes me deal with every time fall rolls around: He allows me to enjoy another season of Manning, Harrison, James & and the rest of the Colts in exchange for cranking up the magnitude of my far-too-frequent allergies. Why I must make this mucus-centered sacrifice every year in order to have such exciting Sunday afternoons, I will never understand. But the way these two phenomena hit me at once has me convinced that they are linked in some way. So as I grab for a Kleenex and some Allegra, be glad that you can breathe through your nose while you're cheering for your favorite team.

As I like to do each season, along with thousands of other self-crowned NFL know-it-alls, here are my 2005-06 season predictions. I'll list how I think the teams will finish division-by-division, followed by my playoff picks.

AFC East
1. New England Patriots
2. Buffalo Bills
3. New York Jets
4. Miami Dolphins

AFC North
1. Pittsburgh Steelers
2. Baltimore Ravens
3. Cincinnati Bengals
4. Cleveland Browns

AFC South
1. Indianapolis Colts
2. Jacksonville Jaguars
3. Houston Texans
4. Tennessee Titans

AFC West
1. Kansas City Chiefs
2. San Diego Chargers
3. Oakland Raiders
4. Denver Broncos

NFC East
1. Philadelphia Eagles
2. Dallas Cowboys
3. Washington Redskins
4. New York Giants

NFC North
1. Minnesota Vikings
2. Detroit Lions
3. Green Bay Packers
4. Chicago Bears

NFC South
1. Atlanta Falcons
2. Carolina Panthers
3. New Orleans Saints
4. Tampa Bay Buccaneers

NFC West
1. St. Louis Rams
2. Seattle Seahawks
3. Arizona Cardinals
4. San Francisco 49ers

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AFC playoff teams, in order of seed: Colts, Patriots, Chiefs, Steelers, Ravens, Chargers
NFC playoff teams, in order of seed: Falcons, Eagles, Vikings, Rams, Panthers, Lions

AFC playoff games: Chiefs over Chargers, Steelers over Ravens; Chiefs over Patriots, Colts over Steelers; Colts over Chiefs

NFC playoff games: Lions over Vikings, Panthers over Rams; Eagles over Lions, Falcons over Panthers; Falcons over Eagles

Superbowl XL: Colts 34, Falcons 28

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We'll see how right (or wrong) I am in a few months. For now I'm going to enjoy every down. I'll have more in a few days, after Week 2's matchups are in the books. Excuse me while I grab some nasal spray.

Name Explanation

Okay, you wanted to know what I meant by Utility Page. Three things, actually. First, I hope that the page's creator (me) and its users and readers will get some utility from the site. By that I mean benefit, use, value. Webster's first definition. Secondly, it's a reference to one of my favorite topics, baseball, and its utility players, who, like myself, can pretty much do it all. And finally, it's a reference to one of the best one-liners I've heard in quite some time. After my future wife (Erin) told her sister (Lauren) that Erin and I were going to get married, Lauren responded by asking, "So your last name is going to be a utility?"

For those of you who can't put it together, see Webster's third definition of the term (Light = public utility). And yes, Lauren, her last name is going to be a utility.